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Infidelity
A common reason for couples to call Behavioral Health Counseling & Psychotherapy is the emotional impact of infidelity. After the initial disclosure many couples struggle to answer questions about their relationship, their partner and themselves. An initial assessment with a licensed professional will help establish a suggested treatment plan for on going therapy.
During therapy it is common for both spouses to experience depression, anxiety, and a sense of loss following the initial disclosure. The reactions of the betrayed spouse resemble the post-traumatic stress symptoms of the victims of catastrophic events. Common reactions to the loss of innocence and shattered assumptions include obsessively pondering details of the affair; continuously watching for further signs of betrayal; and physiological hyper-arousal, flashbacks and intrusive images.
The couple will establish a contract that clearly states that recovery cannot begin until contact with the affair partner is terminated. All personal discussions, coffee breaks, phone calls, text, e-mails messages must also stop. When the affair partner is a co-worker, the contact must be strictly business and necessary. Any unplanned encounters must be shared with the spouse in order to rebuild trust.
During therapy many couples are faced with the question of whether or not they want to continue the relationship; is there enough love to sustain the crisis; and can they forgive their partner. The therapeutic process of answering these questions requires careful pacing, management and structure so that premature decisions or overly emotional decisions are not made.
The path for putting your life back together will be examined, whether it is as an individual or as a couple. Healing may take longer than you think with many unique challenges to confront such as; rediscovering joy, happiness, trust and love. We will help facilitate the healing and growth process and assist the couple from staying together with resentment and unfinished business.
The good news is that the majority of marriages survive infidelity and many marriages can become stronger and more intimate after therapy
Suggested Reading
Brown, Emily M., (2001) Patterns of Infidelity and Their Treatment, (Second Edition). New York: Brunner/Routledge. www.Affairs-Help.com.
Gottman, John M. with Silver, Nan. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail... and How You Can Make Yours Last. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1994.
Gottman, John M. & Silver, Nan. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown, 2000.
Gottman, John. and Joan DeClaire. (2001). The Relationship Cure. New York: Crown.
Lusterman, Don-David. Infidelity: A Survival Guide. Oakland, CA.: New Harbinger Publications,1998.
Maheu, Marlene M. & Subotnik, Rona B. Infidelity on the Internet: Virtual Relationships and Real Betrayal. Naperville, IL.: Sourcebooks, Inc., 2001.
Spring, Janis Abrahms & Spring, Michael. After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful. New York: HarperCollins, 1997.
Subotnik, Rona & Harris, Gloria. Surviving infidelity: Making decisions, recovering from the pain. Holbrook, MA: Bob Adams Press, 1999.
Web Site
http://www.aamft.org/families/Consumer_Updates/Infidelity.asp
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